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How can you get through a divorce and remain sane?

20 Nov 2017

We all know people who have been through a divorce from hell and it is not difficult to understand how this happens.  Dividing the family home, property and businesses can be difficult and if you add in to the mix the arrangements for children, you see how everything can get stressful and out of hand very easily.  So how can you make sure that you keep your divorce as civilised and painless as possible?

1.  Alternative methods of resolving conflict

In many cases mediation is suitable.  You may not get on with your soon-to-be ex, but with outside help there can still be a level of communication which will enable you to talk about outcomes which will be for the benefit of you and your family.  Not only this, but mediation is often cheaper and far less stressful than traditional litigation which can be draining both financially and emotionally.  Mediation isn’t appropriate for everyone and it does require you and your ex to be financially and emotionally open with each other. 

2.  Reducing emotion

Turning to social media and broadcasting private thoughts inevitably raises tensions. and although doing this might be understandable when you are going through an emotionally distressing time, public outpourings can sabotage an agreement. It can even lead to more costly litigation if as a result, by making everything even more bitter than before. You do need to think ahead and beyond the divorce and quite often, particularly if there are children, you will need to have a level of communication with your ex which at the very least needs to work on a practical basis.  Things are often said (and written) in the heat of the moment which can lead to years of regret and recrimination. 

3.  Finding a way to move forward

Lawyers and mediators can help but quite often you will need counselling from others, often professionals, to get you through the emotional difficulties that a breakdown of a relationship inevitably causes.  Using litigation to work out your feelings of anger towards your ex is an ultimately expensive and usually futile exercise.

Finding the right lawyer to help you is an important part of the process.  You need to be sure that your lawyer is on your side, understands your wishes and feelings and is the right fit for you temperamentally.  Your lawyer needs to be someone you can turn to but who is not afraid to give you difficult advice which ultimately will be in your best interests. 

DMH Stallard can provide you with a mediation service but if litigation is inevitable, we have a team that is ready and able to help you and we can of course provide you with more information about our range of family law services, including divorce law, financial dispute resolution and child dispute law.


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