The good divorce

04 May 2021

It has recently been announced the Bill and Melinda Gates are to divorce and, if their joint statement is anything to go by, they want to try to do that as amicably as possible.  However, is this achievable and is there one golden rule to try to achieve this?  Below are some tips to try to help you smoothly navigate the challenging road of divorce. 
 
Let go of your grievances
Easier said than done, but as I was recently quoted in the Independent newspaper as saying*, the longer you hold onto your grievances against your ex, the harder you will find it to settle matters..  The Court rarely gets involved in why a marriage broke down, so don’t use the Court arena to perpetuate your grievances, this is a costly, stressful and protracted way to try to reach a resolution.  By letting your grievances go, you can move on – not only towards settling your divorce but to a much more positive place in your life.”
 
Get real
You may have a view of what you think you are entitled to, or what you consider ‘just’, but how assets are managed and how the care of children is divided up is governed by existing legislation and case law.  Ask your lawyer for an honest opinion as to the likely outcome, and recognise that the advice they give you will be with your best interests in mind, and based on their experience – even if it’s not what you want to hear.  Unrealistic expectations are usually a precursor to an unattainable outcome. 
 
Be prepared to compromise
Take a view of what is really important to you; there is need for proportionality and a pragmatic approach.  I have had clients on the verge of a settlement only to seek to sabotage it for the sake of a second hand sofa; let that sofa go if it will get matters resolved, and take comfort in the knowledge that you can get a much better one!
 
Of course there are other hints and tips, but managing yourself and setting the tone for the process should also encourage your ex to be reasonable.  Divorce is not a process that anyone savours, regardless of how well you might get on with your ex, but just a few simple strategies should prevent it becoming a toxic experience.

Please contact me or any member of our Famkily law team if you're looking for advice.

*https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/divorce-bill-blm-instagram-facebook-b1841784.html  
 

Further reading

The PGA brushes with Anti-Trust law in the largest legal case in golfing history

Blog
10/08/2022
LIV golf and the PGA Tour are locked in a court battle that could decide the future of golf. Jonathan Compton reviews.
Read more Read

DMH Stallard’s London office has acted for First Equity Limited on the IPO of First Class Metals PLC

Blog, News & PR
09/08/2022
DMHS advised First Equity Limited, the broker, on all aspects related to the listing
Read more Read

What is spousal maintenance and how is it calculated?

Blog
08/08/2022
Family law expert Gemma Garrett explains what spousal maintenance is, its purpose and how it's calculated
Read more Read

Withdrawing a job offer

Blog
08/08/2022
Rebecca Thornley-Gibson explains how to minimise the risk of a claim from a prospective employee
Read more Read
  • Brighton - Jubilee St

    1 Jubilee Street

    Brighton

    East Sussex

    BN1 1GE

  • Brighton - Old Steine

    47 Old Steine

    Brighton

    East Sussex

    BN1 1NW

  • Gatwick

    Griffin House

    135 High Street

    Crawley

    West Sussex

    RH10 1DQ

  • Guildford

    Wonersh House

    The Guildway

    Old Portsmouth Road

    Guildford

    Surrey

    GU3 1LR

  • Hassocks

    32 Keymer Road

    Hassocks

    West Sussex

    BN6 8AL

  • Horsham

    Ridgeland House

    15 Carfax

    Horsham

    West Sussex

    RH12 1DY

  • London

    6 New Street Square

    New Fetter Lane

    London

    EC4A 3BF

  • Make an enquiry

    Make an enquiry

    Message

    Or head to our Contact us page