Neurodivergence in children

In this episode of Family Law in the UK, host Natasha Slabas is joined by two guest speakers: Rosemary Budden, a barrister at Queen Elizabeth Building who also sits as a judge, and Samantha Jago, head of the Guildford Family Law Team at DMH Stallard and a senior family lawyer at the firm. Together, they explore the impact of neurodivergence on children whose families are going through separation, and how the family court system addresses—or often fails to address—their specific needs.

The discussion begins with Rosemary defining neurodivergence as a broad umbrella term covering neurological differences including autism spectrum disorder, ADHD, dyspraxia, learning disabilities, and sensory processing issues. Samantha then offers a personal perspective as the parent of a 16-year-old son with severe ADHD, describing the daily challenges he faces with structure, timekeeping, and emotional regulation. She references a BBC news article noting that children with ADHD or autism can spend as much as 50% of their time excluded from school lessons—something she has experienced first-hand.

The conversation turns to how the court process itself can be difficult for neurodivergent children. Natasha highlights the challenges of moving between households in private children disputes, noting that transitions can be destabilising—particularly around bedtimes and school mornings—and that parents at loggerheads may overlook these seemingly small but significant details. Samantha shares a case in which she represented a mother of a severely autistic, near non-verbal child whose need for routine and a familiar home environment was dismissed by the judge in financial remedy proceedings, resulting in an order that the house be sold despite the child’s welfare needs.

This leads to a broader point about the tension between private children proceedings—where the child’s welfare is the paramount consideration—and financial proceedings, where it is merely the first consideration. Both speakers suggest there may be a case for reform, particularly where neurodivergent children are involved.

On the question of evidence, Rosemary advises that where both parents agree on the extent of their child’s neurodivergence, they should set out an agreed written statement at the earliest possible stage describing the child’s condition and additional needs. Where parents disagree—which she notes is common and often a contributing factor to the breakdown of the relationship—she recommends obtaining joint expert evidence from a neutral professional who can provide an independent assessment. Samantha adds that historical diagnostic forms completed by parents, schools, and GPs before the relationship broke down can be valuable evidence of the child’s needs.

The panel discusses practical solutions for neurodivergent children going through their parents’ separation. These include retaining the family home where possible, considering the layout of future housing for dyspraxic children, allowing longer timeframes before a sale, minimising handovers for autistic children who thrive on routine, and being creative about arrangements such as nesting—where the child remains in one home and the parents rotate. Samantha closes by reflecting positively on her experience as the parent of a neurodivergent child, noting the joy, colour, and alternative outlook her son brings, and encouraging listeners to view neurodiversity as a superpower to be embraced.

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